What bugs me most about so many of these types of articles is that the advice is all well and good…
…if you’re Martha Stewart, have tons of time on your hands, and/or dough to blow.
They paint calm pictures of hosting.
Achievable? Not likely.
While researching for this piece, I came across articles with some ludicrous “tips”.
One suggested switching out a mere ceiling mounted light fixture in your guestroom to a ceiling fan / light combo. This is so your overnight guest can control their own comfort. Seriously!?
Fact is, many people are tight on time and money. So I wanted to get into some tips that are equally ludicrous, but are things you can actually achieve, in less time, with less money, and can be applied by the most frugal, as well as the wealthiest of the bunch.
So let’s start with the easiest way to avoid a hosting disaster altogether…
Buy a house without a dining room
One article suggested buying a bigger house with a bigger dining room. Riiiiight. It’s that simple.
When you are hunting for houses, and you are working with a low budget, don’t bemoan the fact that every house is too small and doesn’t have a proper dining room. Rejoice.
No dining room? House is too small? You can’t host holiday dinners. Therefore, you cannot logically have a holiday hosting disaster. Crisis averted.
And for those of you with tons of money, you don’t have to spend every dime you have on a house. Buy a smaller house. Use said savings to rent nice hotel rooms not far from the relatives who host you at every holiday since your place is too small for you to play host. But make sure to bring an extra nice bottle of wine, a side dish, and a dessert. Otherwise you are a cheapskate…rather than financially strategic.
Turn the TV on
Don’t bother installing a sound system and pipe music throughout the house like some articles suggest. Impractical. Not gonna happen.
And even if you were inclined to, and had the money and time to get it installed, you would be forcing your guests to have conversation. Conversations lead to arguments.You can’t watch music.
Nothing helps people deal with small talk quite like the TV.
Guests can literally drink themselves into a stupor and zone out if they want to, or have “conversation” in short snippets about whatever comes onto the screen in front of them.
NOTE: Do NOT put on any real estate related shows. Given the number of licensed real estate agents in the country, you’re bound to have at least three in the house at even the smallest gathering. These reality shows aggravate real estate agents due to their lack of reality. Voiding these shows will help to avoid any nervous breakdowns or rants.
Just don’t invite Uncle “Fred”
One of the articles had a tip that recommended that you should stock your powder room with an array of candles, matches, scented sprays, a plunger, and a whole basket-full of toilet paper. “Just in case…”, they wrote.
Every one of you reading this is picturing whoever he (or she) is in your family that would create that “just in case” moment.
Whoever he (or she!) is in your family…that dude (or dudette) doesn’t respect the term powder room.
If it’s unavoidable and you absolutely have to invite “Fred”, consider renting a porta-potty. Make a small sign on the powder room door that says, “Out Of Order. Please use restroom in front yard.”
Have a great Thanksgiving!
And the minute you get all stressed out over this, that, or another thing…remember, there’s almost always a fun or funny angle to anything you have to deal with.