I’m A Real Estate Agent. Am I A Sleaze?
If I’m not writing, I’m selling real estate. Sometimes, when I reveal this to my artsy writer friends, I get a look of surprise or
What percentage of people do you think sleep naked?
If you chose any of the above answers, you are correct, because apparently there’s no consensus on exactly how many people do. Each of those percentages came up on the first page results of a google query looking for the answer.
Now if you were to poll real estate agents and ask how many of them had accidentally walked in on a homeowner or renter sleeping naked, you’d probably get about 100% of them saying they had.
Regardless of the fact that they almost always arrive having a confirmed appointment, and no matter how many ways they announce themselves upon arrival at every house they show, at some point in their career, almost every agent ends up walking in on a naked person in bed.
Ideally, the agent (and their clients!) are able to quickly avert their eyes, quietly close the door, and scram out of there without waking the seller. But there are times when a seller in the buff wakes up in a huff, and an awkward moment ensues.
Since there’s nothing specific on how to handle these situations in a real estate training manual, let’s just make some up…
Here are 7 ridiculous ways to handle the situation when you walk in on a surprised naked seller while touring a home for sale:
You’re going to need quite a poker face to pull this one off, especially since they’re probably going to be screaming at you as you look around the room and check out the walk-in closet. But if you can manage to ignore them, it’s almost like nothing ever happened! Heck, they might even wonder if they’re just dreaming if you don’t interact with them.
It’s only natural to introduce yourselves to a seller if they open the door to let you in for a showing, so why not just introduce yourselves when you meet them au naturale? Agents should approach with a business card in their left hand, while extending their right hand for a handshake. Buyers should be ready to say hello, their name, and a generic compliment about how lovely the home is.
Rather than let the owner make a big deal out of you walking in on them naked, take the offensive and pepper them with questions about the house. When was the last time the chimney was cleaned? Have you done any recent updates? Did you get permits for all of the work you’ve done on the house? They’ll be so concerned about not getting caught with their pants down, that they’ll entirely forget they don’t have any pants on to begin with!
Professional staging can help sell a house quickly and for top dollar, but sometimes it makes a place feel more like a showroom than a place where anyone actually lives. So pretend that you just read something in the Wall Street Journal about how Europeans are using “naked staging” to truly show how the space can be used. The owner will think it’s legit because you’re citing the WSJ, and that would be a very European thing to do.
Gasp and ask the owner if you could please do a charcoal sketch and capture their artful physique. It’s an honor to be immortalized by an artist, and who wouldn’t be flattered being asked to model for a true artist? That said, be prepared to run once they realize your artistic talents aren’t on par with Michaelangelo… or even an average 5-year old.
Everyone can appreciate needing proof when they’ve got a crazy story to tell. Level with them and say that there will be times when you absolutely must tell people this story, and without pics, people may question whether it really happened, and ask them to take a selfie with you.
Pro Tip: Disclose that the image may be used for such things as:
- Social media posts
- Comments within other peoples’ social media posts
- Pulling the picture up on your phone during a dinner party, or at the bar with friends
- Listing appointments, to drive home why homeowners should never sleep naked while their house is on the market
Or you could just throw caution (and your clothes!) to the wind, and get naked. While it might make it more awkward for everyone else in the room, it’ll at least make the homeowner feel less awkward.
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