9 Ways to “Evict” a Holiday Houseguest Who Took “Make Yourself at Home” a Little Too Literally

A recent study found that 72% of people have told a houseguest to “make themselves at home,” and 91% of them regretted ever uttering those words! The typical complaints were that their guests ate too much, overstayed their welcome, or made a mess.

As the holidays approach, you might find yourself hosting guests who take cozy to a whole new level, and seem to forget they even have a home of their own somewhere else.

So just in case your guest starts to feel more like a freeloading tenant, here are nine tongue-in-cheek tactics to get them to pack their bags and go home:

1) Borrow Their Clothes

Casually stroll into the room wearing their favorite hoodie and say, “I hope you don’t mind—I just needed something cozy!” Then, throw in that all of your underwear is in the hamper, and you figured they wouldn’t mind if you borrowed theirs as you walk out of the room.

2) Give Them a List of Chores to Do

Tell them how nice it is to have another set of hands to help with everything that needs to get done around the house. Hand over a basket of laundry (with those undies you so desperately need cleaned) along with any other chores you wouldn’t mind delegating. Tidy room, clean car, mow the lawn… Going home might start sounding like a vacation destination.

3) Buy Them Their Own Bed… From IKEA

Buy a new bed frame from IKEA and tell them you got it for them since they seem to be staying long-term. Add putting it together onto the list of chores you gave them. By step three of the instructions they’ll be heading for the hills.

4) Test the Smoke Alarms… Daily

Tell them you recently read that you should test your smoke alarms “regularly” to ensure they’re in working order, and you’ve decided to do it daily… at 5AM.

5) Stop Food Shopping

Empty out the fridge, leaving only a box of wine, a random bottle of mustard, and a few pickles and wait for them to get creative. Either they’ll have to get super creative, go home, or worst case, they take charge of the food supply which could certainly save you a few bucks what with inflation and all.

6) Stink ‘Em Out

Sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures. Cook up a big pot of chili, bean stew, or anything that gets you nice and gassy. Let one after another, after another rip, and if they complain, just say, “Whoever smelt it dealt it!” It may be juvenile, but it could also be the very thing that gets them packing.

7) Hand Them a Bill for Services Rendered

Prepare an itemized “bill” for utilities, Wi-Fi, and coffee, complete with “suggested gratuity” options for them to choose from. Even if they’re cool chipping in for their share of the bills, having the audacity to ask for a tip might be what tips them over the edge. Bonus points if you can create it on some sort of tablet and just turn it around for them to have to enter their credit card after choosing how much tip to leave.

8) Schedule Them an Appointment With Your Real Estate Agent

Casually mention you’ve scheduled an appointment with your real estate agent on their behalf to help them explore short-term rentals in the area. It’s a not-so-subtle hint that there’s plenty of other places for them to make themselves at home in the area besides your home.

9) List Your House and Hold 24/7 Open Houses

When subtle hints aren’t working, it’s time for drastic measures. List your home for sale and have your agent hold open houses around the clock. Your houseguest will never tolerate living under those conditions, but even with strangers wandering through, it’ll be less intrusive than a guest who never leaves…