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Some families are incredibly close, spending vacations together and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. Others are deeply divided—unable to get along even under the best of circumstances. And then there are families who stay connected but carry underlying tensions…a few unspoken conflicts, clashing personalities, or emotional distance that flares up during stressful times.
No matter where your family falls on the spectrum, when a parent passes away and leaves behind a home, the emotional and logistical challenges can push even the most grounded families into unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory.
In some cases, there’s been plenty of open conversation before the inevitable—wills drawn, roles assigned, instructions crystal clear. But in many families, it’s just not something that gets talked about until the moment arrives. And by then, emotions are already running high.
It’s easy to say the answer is more communication. Just talk about it ahead of time. Make a plan. Put it all in writing. And yes—in a perfect world, that would happen.
But as many people know, it’s not always that simple.
It’s easy to say the answer is more communication. Just talk about it ahead of time. Make a plan. Put it all in writing. And yes—in a perfect world, that would happen.
But as many people know, it’s not always that simple. Talking about death—even in the context of planning—can feel awkward or even taboo.
Which is why so many people find themselves navigating tricky decisions, old wounds, and a lot of gray area after the fact—when one of the biggest assets in the family becomes the biggest elephant in the room: the house.
A recent article from Realtor.com covers the basics of how to sell a parent’s home—from prepping it for sale to coping with the emotions involved. It’s a helpful guide. But one common scenario it doesn’t directly address is when someone in the family wants to keep the house for themselves.
It’s not always about holding onto sentimental value. Sometimes, a family member believes they deserve to live in the house or buy it at a discounted price, or even get it for free. And if you’re not that person, it can be really difficult to understand their reasoning… or to stay calm about it.
Whether they’re asking for the house outright, or offering to buy it at below-market value, it’s easy to get wrapped up in debates about what’s “fair.” But emotions don’t care about spreadsheets or comps. And even when someone’s request seems unreasonable, dismissing them too quickly can backfire.
Let’s take a look at why some family members might feel like they deserve the house—and then explore a few ways to approach the situation that might save relationships (and sanity) in the process.
Here are a few common reasons a sibling or family member might believe they should be the one to keep the home—or get a deal on it:
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to this kind of situation, but few things to consider that might be helpful depending on your situation:
Dealing with the sale of a parent’s home is never just about bricks and mortar. It’s about history, grief, family dynamics, and—sometimes—decades of unspoken expectations or unresolved tension.
When emotions and real estate collide, it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture. But as hard as it is, treating the situation with compassion, clarity, and a little bit of structure can go a long way in preserving relationships, and reaching a resolution everyone can live with.
The Takeaway:
Every family handles loss differently. And when a parent’s home is left behind, it can stir up more than just memories. Sometimes, a family member wants to keep the home—or believes they’re owed the chance to buy it—putting pressure on relationships and the entire situation.
While it’s tempting to dig in and fight for what’s “fair,” remember that feelings often drive these conversations more than facts. By understanding where others are coming from—and leaning on professionals to guide the process—you’re more likely to reach a decision that feels not just practical, but peaceful.
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