I’m A Real Estate Agent. Am I A Sleaze?
If I’m not writing, I’m selling real estate. Sometimes, when I reveal this to my artsy writer friends, I get a look of surprise or
17 Things That Have A Totally Different Meaning On HGTV
1. Carpeting
What it is – A soft fabric floor covering meant to add comfort and style to a room.
What it means on HGTV – Literally one step up from homelessness. Like, who actually has carpet in their house?! Gross.
Does the world really have it in for carpeting? Or is this really just an #HGTV thing? https://t.co/fSmzNpdroC pic.twitter.com/2aktzioEgs
— eieihome.com (@eieihome) March 23, 2016
2. Granite Countertops
What it is – Slabs of stone in your kitchen that you set stuff on; easy to clean.
What it means on HGTV – The only thing in existence a homeowner needs to scientifically prove their magnificence and success to their guests.
3. Move in Ready
What it is – A phrase used to convey that nothing needs to be done to the home before moving in.
What it means on HGTV – When the home has granite countertops, hardwood floors, stainless appliances, perfect paint colors and has a 1 mile commute to work…
4. Outdoor Spaces
What it is – Exterior areas surrounding the home.
What it means on HGTV – The area around the house that has to be big enough to accommodate a dog park, fire pit, bbq, pool with waterfall, and enclosed patio for summer reading… otherwise, NEXT!
Via: HGTV / Via Netflix
5. View
What it is – The area you can see from your own home.
What it means on HGTV – Unobstructed panoramic view of the ocean, mountains, and downtown New York City skyline directly from the living room.
Via HGTV / Via hgtv.com
6. Man Cave
What it is – A non-essential, versatile room; extra space.
What it means on HGTV – “A getaway for my hubby to watch sports, play pool, or build a new family vehicle from scratch.”
Via HGTV / Via hgtv.com
7. Open Floor Plan
What it is – A large area with unobstructed views created by the lack of interior walls.
What it means on HGTV – The only type of home design that can entertain guests and be worth living in.
8. Entertaining Space
What it is – A room designated for entertainment like movies, games, or dancing.
What it means on HGTV – A small open area that you will always say you’re going to use for guests but never will.
Via: HGTV / Via Netflix
9. Budget
What it is – The amount of money a buyer is willing and capable to pay for a home.
What it means on HGTV – A trendy, flexible word with many meanings that can and usually does change depending on emotions.
Via: HGTV / Via Netflix
10. Fixer Upper
What it is – A home that requires significant work to make it liveable.
What it means on HGTV – A home without granite counter tops, hardwood floors, stainless appliances or perfect paint colors.
11. Crown Molding
What it is – Strips of wood that run between the walls and ceilings.
What it means on HGTV – A way to remind your guests they are breathing the same air as royalty.
Via HGTV / Via Netflix
12. Wish List
What it is – Everything a buyer reasonably hopes to find in a home, but aren’t absolutely necessary.
What it means on HGTV – A list of must-have, deal-breaking features found only in homes costing hundreds of thousands of dollars more than the buyers’ budget.
Via HGTV / Via Netflix
13. Paint Job
What it is – The colors painted on a home’s walls.
What it means on HGTV – The ultimate and final deal breaker.
14. Neighborhood
What it is – The general community your home is located in.
What it means on HGTV – A four-block radius surrounding the home which MUST include a public pool, gym, Whole Foods, outlet mall, five star restaurants, dance clubs, police station, fire department, hospital, vet clinic, private school, natural park and beach cove.
Via HGTV / Via Netflix
15. Commute
What it is – The trip to and from work each day.
What it means on HGTV – The time it should take to get to work, which must never exceed fifteen minutes under any circumstances.
Via HGTV / Via Netflix
16. Walk in Closet
What it is – A closet that is large enough to step into for selecting clothing.
What it means on HGTV – A closet large enough to live in or rent out as a separate room.
Via HGTV / Via Netflix
17. Decision Time
What it is – A time to weigh all the pros and cons of a property before possibly making an offer.
What it means on HGTV – A two minute period where couples voice their differences about what means the most, never reach a compromise, yet 3 minutes later, magically agree on a home.
