8 Hilariously Passive-Aggressive Ways to Get Your Roommate’s Freeloading Significant Other to Stop Staying Over So Much

If your roommate has a significant other, you kind of expect that they’ll be spending some time at your place, and maybe even sleeping over now and again. It’s usually not a big deal, until now and again turns into again and again!

It starts out small…

A toothbrush here, a phone charger there. Next thing you know, they’ve claimed your favorite spot on the couch and are raiding the fridge to eat food you paid for.

Before you know it, your roommate’s significant other has morphed into a full-fledged tenant, without paying a dime in rent.

Ideally you can set some boundaries about how much time this non-paying tenant is allowed to occupy your abode by chatting with your roommate and their mate. But if talking it out hasn’t worked, and diplomacy isn’t your strong suit, it’s time to unleash your inner creative genius.

Here are 8 ways to gently (or not-so-gently) make life just uncomfortable enough for the freeloading “plus-one” to pack their bags:

1) Steal Their Hot Showers

Figure out their shower routines and jump in right before they usually do. Use all the hot water like you’re starring in a shampoo commercial. Bonus points if you leave the bathroom fogged up like a sauna.

2) Interrupt Their Toilet Time

Knock-knock. Who’s there? It’s you, every single time they try to take a “number two.” Pound on the door immediately after they’ve situated themselves upon the throne, and repeat every 48-53 seconds. That’ll give them enough time to think you’ve given up, and then bring them right back to reality. It’ll get to a point where they won’t want to be anywhere near your apartment when they have to go, which will hopefully make them go home…wherever that is.

3) Eat Their Leftovers

When they stash their favorite takeout in the fridge, swoop in and eat just enough of it to make it not even worth having for lunch or that midnight snack they were dreaming about. Do that often enough and they won’t want to be around late enough to have a midnight snack!

4) Change the Wi-Fi Password

Them: “Why is the Wi-Fi down?”
You: “Oh, it’s not, I just changed the password. It’s “NotYourHouseYouDontPayRentLeave”
It’s a subtle way to say exactly what’s on your mind.

5) Use Psychological Germ Warfare

You don’t actually have to use their toothbrush because, well, that’s gross… Which is exactly why just casually suggesting that you keep using it will drive them nuts! Watch them spiral into a germaphobic panic while silently cursing their life choices, and packing their toiletry bag to move out.

6) Turn the Couple Into a “Throuple”

Why stop at third-wheeling when you can fully commit to the bit? Start casually inserting yourself into their relationship. Plop down between them on the couch and say, “What’s our plan for date night?” Hang up a few photos of the three of you with captions like, “I love us!” The only downside is this may get them both to leave the apartment, leaving you without a roommate. But hey, if they’re on the lease, they’re on the hook for paying rent, right?!

7) Practice Loud and Obnoxious Hobbies

Always wanted to learn the bagpipes? Now’s the perfect time. Whether it’s mastering the recorder, perfecting your drum solo, or interpretive dancing like nobody’s watching, do it loudly and consistently whenever they’re home. If you’re feeling generous, offer to put on a nightly private concert for them.

8) Date Their Ex

There’s no better way to make things uncomfortable than bringing their past into the present. Start chatting up one of their exes, then casually invite them over. The worse their breakup was, the better it is for you, so do a little digging and set your sights on the one who broke their heart the most.