I’m A Real Estate Agent. Am I A Sleaze?
If I’m not writing, I’m selling real estate. Sometimes, when I reveal this to my artsy writer friends, I get a look of surprise or
Unless you’re living entirely off the grid—or at least in an extremely rural area—having neighbors is a fact of life. Some become lifelong friends, while others you might try to avoid at all cost. But either way, there’s bound to be some quirky characters! (You may even be one of them…)
Navigating life with neighbors is part art, part science, and a lot of figuring it out as you go. Whether you’re a social butterfly or someone who prefers to keep to yourself, learning how to appreciate and respect everyone’s unique personality can go a long way.
Here’s a lighthearted look at 7 types of neighbors you’re likely to encounter and a few survival tips to keep the peace (and your sanity) intact:
No matter how on top of your landscaping you are (or aren’t!), there’s always one neighbor who’s way more into lawn maintenance than the rest. Their yard is the envy of the block, with grass so lush and green it looks Photoshopped.
Survival Tip: No matter how much you try, you’ll never outdo them. So just compliment how amazing their yard looks and ask them to demonstrate their technique on your lawn, just to see if it’s even possible to duplicate the results with a property like yours. Keep asking them to do so until they figure out you’ve basically been tricking them into free landscaping your yard for free.
Whether they talk too much, overshare, or just give off strange vibes, there’s always a neighbor who seems to catch you when you’re trying to sneak out unnoticed. They’re the self-appointed social butterfly of the neighborhood and thrive on long, impromptu chats.
Survival Tip: If you see them coming, scream “Hide-and-seek… you’re it!” and bolt in the opposite direction. They’ll either start to avoid you because you’re the type of neighbor that would make a list like this, or you’ll find yourself reliving your youth every time you head out of the house.
You’re pretty sure they live there, but you’ve rarely (if ever) seen them. They may only appear at night, or maybe they just keep a low profile. The mystery of their existence keeps you wondering if they’re real or just a figment of neighborhood lore. They’re as elusive as Bigfoot, and their life is a complete mystery to the rest of the block.
Survival Tip: Respect their privacy and accept their hermit-like tendencies. If you ever exchange a wave, consider it a milestone in your neighborly relationship and refrain from commenting on how much smaller their feet are than you imagined they’d be.
No matter the season, this neighbor has a running commentary on the weather. Sunny? They’ll remind you to soak it in. Raining? They’ll say how much we needed it. Any other topic besides the weather? Nope…
Survival Tip: Nod, smile, and throw in the occasional “You’re always more accurate than the meteorologist on the news is!”
There’s always someone you still refer to as “the new neighbor,” despite the fact that they moved in years ago. Maybe it’s because they’re the most recent addition, or maybe they keep to themselves just enough to maintain the title.
Survival Tip: Host a “Welcome to the Neighborhood” party for them—five years late. Bring a housewarming gift, like a fruit basket or a “Home Sweet Home” sign, and act like you just noticed they moved in. They’ll either find it hilarious or be too polite to correct you. Win-win!
Neither rain, nor snow, nor heat, nor gloom of night (even if it’s a work night!) stops that one neighbor from grilling up something that makes you jealous and wishing you were having what they’re eating for dinner!
Survival Tip: Casually “forget” to defrost your dinner and wander over with a plate, claiming the smell hypnotized you. Bonus points if you bring a six-pack as a peace offering—they might just adopt you as their official taste-tester.
There’s always a neighbor who has their life on a tight schedule, and the entire block benefits from their punctuality. Trash bins are at the curb like clockwork, holiday decorations go up (and down) on cue, and their yard is mulched on the first warm weekend of spring.
Survival Tip: Ask them if they’d mind providing email or text alerts so you can synchronize your efforts, rather than take the wait and see approach.
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