7 Ways Home Sellers WISH They Could Respond to a Lowball Offer

When a seller puts their home on the market, there’s always that mix of excitement and anxiety. Best case scenario? A strong offer rolls in right away. But there’s always that lingering fear in the back of their mind… what if someone throws out a number so low it’s almost insulting?

Sometimes that fear becomes reality. The dreaded lowball offer shows up, and the seller has to resist the urge to throw their phone across the room. Luckily, most of the time, their agent steps in with a calm, professional response—because keeping things civil is how deals actually get done. Still, that doesn’t mean the seller doesn’t wish they could say what they’re really thinking.

While you probably shouldn’t use any of these ideas, here are a few creative, sarcastic, and completely unfiltered responses that’ll at least give you a laugh:

1) Send Them a ‘Go to Jail’ Card

Since we’re apparently using Monopoly money to make offers, it only feels right to respond in kind. A “Go to Jail” card should do the trick; after all, making that kind of offer should be a crime. Bonus points if it’s hand-delivered in a tiny plastic thimble.

2) Tell Them You’ll Meet Them in the Middle…

Lowballers often have their sights set on “meeting in the middle” between your asking price and their insulting offer. So come right out the gate saying you’d be glad to meet them in the middle…right after you raise your list price to exactly two times the current price! They’ll go from feeling triumphant to embarrassed in the short time it takes you to finish the sentence.

3) Send Them an Old-School Calculator

Lowballing might’ve worked back in the day, but so did fax machines. If a buyer wants to use outdated tactics, the least a seller can do is match the energy. Send them a basic, old-school calculator with a note saying: “Clearly the one on your phone isn’t working—or you still don’t know how to find the app. Try this instead.”

4) Give Them a Housewarming Gift… for Their Current Home

Print out their offer, slip it into a nice frame, and send it back as a thoughtful little present with a note that says: “Figured you might like some fresh décor to help your current home feel a little new again…since it looks like you’ll be staying there for a while if you keep writing offers like this.”

5) Ask for a Ride in Their Time Machine

Tell them you’ll be happy to consider their offer if they’ll throw in a free ride in their time machine, since they clearly just used to find comps for their offer!

6) Send Them a Spotify Playlist

No words necessary—just a playlist with the following bangers:

• “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – The Rolling Stones
• “Dream On” – Aerosmith
• “Bye Bye Bye” – *NSYNC

Set the vibe. Let the lyrics do the talking.

7) Counter With an Expired Coupon

Create a fake coupon that says:

“$100,000 off any home purchase!”
Expires: June 2009

Circle the expiration date and include a sticky note:

“This is the last time your offer would’ve worked.”